When I heard the words “ovarian cancer” my first thought was the need for clarity: I took a deep breath and then wanted to understand it, know how to tackle it and move forward. That lasted about 5 minutes before the second and more ominous thoughts came and made camp in my brain. All the what-ifs piled on until I could hardly breathe. Even when the two sides of my brain could make peace, fear still crept in, until one wise friend said to me: “You know those fearful thoughts are not from God. God’s thoughts,” she gently reminded me, “are full of love and hope and healing and goodness and grace. God’s plans for you are life-giving. Fear is what the wily one wants from you.”
Now, clearly, I should know that. I’ve taught that. I preach that. And I still needed the reminder for myself. In our deep times of need it is natural to fear the uncertain future. When everything we envision looks nothing like our “normal” life, fear can creep in. Which is why I’m learning to envision the future God wants me to have. I don’t believe God wants me to die young, any more than I believe God gave me cancer. This is not a pass/fail test of my faith. If anything, I realized, it’s open book.
In an open book exam, you might recall, when the teacher hands out the test you get to bring all your notes, all your resources from everything you’ve learned, and put them to work for your advantage. And the great thing is, you don’t have to have everything memorized and implement it perfectly from the get-go – you just have to have an inkling of where to go to find the answer. Which means that long before this open-book test you have accumulated knowledge and experience and deep wells of resources to access when you need them the most.
So my question is, what are you accumulating right now? Every person’s deep wells will vary – it could be a wide circle of friends, physical fitness routines, an arsenal of knowledge about health and well-being. Maybe your deep well includes cultivating a spirit of joy every day, learning to be flexible, curiosity and research. I hope it involves a practice of prayer, meditation, reading scripture and staying connected to the Holy Spirit within.
The truth is that when we are confronting difficult times – regardless of how big or how small – our minds can freeze up. We go blank, forgetting for a moment everything we know to be true and good, and instead focusing on our fears. For me, intentionally turning to the one thing I know to be true helps: God is not the fearful thoughts of my shaky, uncertain self; God is love. God is with me in dark times. God wants me to kick cancer’s butt. From that place of assurance I can access all the resources I have available to me to take the next step, and the next, and the next. This is my prayer for all of us going through life’s valleys. We’ve got this. Keep kickin’ it!
“His divine power has given us everything needed for life and godliness….Therefore I intend to keep on reminding you of these things, though you know them already and are established in the truth that has come to you.” (2 Peter 1: 3 and 12)
Kick it with Charla 
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