My first chemo treatment was 10 days ago and I’m happy to say that I weathered it well. No major side effects, though a few days of fatigue for sure—started looking at the clock about 7:00 in the evenings wondering if it was ok to go to bed. Everyone kind of harps on you to push past the fatigue and get some exercise which I thought about a lot as I laid on the couch in my sweats, asking for another cup of bone broth and staring out the window. Good stuff. My sister dragged me on to the porch for some Vitamin D and as you can see from her clever selfie above, I had a one-track mind when it came to eyes closed.
But I’m happy to report that I did eventually move off the couch and mostly because Nick and Wrendy came to visit for two days, so hats off to grown-up kids for recognizing they have secret powers over their mamas. And then on Day 8 I woke up and felt….normal. I took a shower AND BLOW DRIED MY HAIR, put on actual makeup, and went to get my teeth cleaned. Normal never felt so good.
As I write this, Tim and I are now spending two days in the desert, staying with friends and soaking up the sunshine (as much as I can with head to toe covering and a wide-brimmed hat, thanks Chemo). This morning I sat with my cup of coffee watching as the sun turned on the red hoodoos and hillsides; that desert sight is nothing short of inspiring. I think people are drawn to deserts because they remind us of our shared human story of wandering in unknown places, fully reliant on God to see us through. Deserts, with their silent beauty and miles of vast nothingness, make us acutely aware that we are both alone and never alone all at the same time.
Having cancer and going through treatment is like that. While the effects are felt only by me, I am surrounded by the presence and love of so many. It’s astounding really. And I can’t help but think how easy it is to stay small – isolated, lonely, wandering as if alone – instead of cultivating the awareness of good company. Remember how the Israelites grumbled that God had forgotten them and it made Moses so mad he threw down the stone tablets, shattering the ten commandments? A lesser god might have abandoned them all on the spot for being so surly. But not this God. This God – our God – stayed. Started all over again with another set of stone tablets, more reassurance, some manna to remind them that all would be well. That’s some good company, right there.
No matter how alone we might feel, we aren’t. Not really. I have about ten thousand cards, emails and texts, and freezer full of food to prove it. “Thanks” is so inadequate to tell you how good your company is for me.
Kick it with Charla 
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